As some of you know (and many of you don’t), Benjamin and I recently decided that our relationship together had come to an end. There’s a whole slew of cliches that ran through my mind to open this post with... but the raw deal of my life right now is this: I am happy. Does happy mean that my life isn’t full of stress, anxiety, fears, or exhaustion? No. All of that. Almost every single day. But as I walk through this life on the new road I’m on---I can say one thing with true and honest intent in every breath of the phrase… I. Am. Happier. And because of this I am a better mother and person overall.
Benjamin and I decided that it would be best for the integrity of our family unit and sanity of our minds that we relinquish the title of “couple” and put our focus back on being better parents. In the chaos of our lives and the stress that began to eat away at our hearts we found ourselves at odds with one another. We found ourselves bringing out the worst in the other. We found ourselves destroying each other. What’s worse---we were going through this whole process under the watchful eyes of our little Leo. It shames me to say that more than once Benjamin and I got into it in front of our children. I NEVER thought I would be the type. I NEVER thought that I would allow petty discussions that could have been handled elsewhere play out in front of our kids. I was a bad mother. We were bad parents. We made the right decision in our minds and that’s all that matters.
Did we come to this decision lightheartedly? Of course not. Benjamin and I almost called it quits more than a handful of times. We went through 8 months of couples counseling and various other “exercises” to get us through the ditch we found our relationship in. They were all band aids on a wound that needed stitches.
I am not treading this unexplored territory with naivete. I know there are hardships to come. I know that Benjamin and I will find ourselves at odds with each other at some point. I know that communications will falter, dates will be mixed up and times will get pushed up or back at the chagrin of the other. I know that there is a huge potential for hard and hurt feelings and I am trying to prepare myself for these hurdles. I am not stupid. We are not bad people for not having the “picture perfect” family. We are not lazy and we did not “give in” easily. We made the best decision for the mental well-being of our children and ourselves. Quite honestly, that is where my new-found happiness finds it’s fire. Benjamin and I consciously made the hard decision to ensure we could raise our boys with the most love we possibly can. We can show our boys through our patchwork of a family that their parents can love and respect one another from afar. We can show them exactly what love is and should be in our situation.
Whatever opinions are formed or spoken about regarding our situation, they are just that: opinions. I respect every single person that I meet and know until there is a blatant reason for me not to. I ask the same. Do I find myself with the title "Single Mom"? Yes. "Single Parent"? No. We may not fit the mold… but Benjamin, Leo, Asher and I are a family. We always will be.
